Friday the 13th with full moon

Woke up feeling a bit weird, and yep, it was that time of the year again—the first Friday the 13th with a full moon. So, I decided to make it special by hopping on a train to the capital of the Lowlands—Amsterdam.

Now, this is the place where you’ll bump into tourists from all over the world, especially those who think riding a bike after smoking a joint is cool... NOPE, it’s not cool. It’s actually stupid and dangerous. And don’t even get me started on peeing against a wall—so not European, guys! We have public toilets on every corner of the street, people.

But hey, just remember—don’t give anyone a handshake afterwards, okay? Deal?

On the train, I tried to enjoy my flat country, but honestly, I’m really missing the mountains. It's still green and beautiful, though. If only I could ask a wizard to give us hills, that would be amazing.

And no, don’t worry—I won’t be posting any pictures of windmills or clogs today, because I haven’t seen either of those.

What made me happy in the Dam? The canals, the old Dutch houses, the bikes, the cheese shops, and the happy cakes shops. Oh, and let’s not forget the Red Light District—where tourists pretend to ignore the working girls. Then there are the happy senior citizens, beer in hand, singing Andre Hazes songs from the brown cafes.

I also love China Town, where I can enjoy my favorite Szechuan food and sip on some sweet bubble teas. And, of course, the distinctive smell of weed drifting out from the coffee shops, where you order weed instead of coffee. Important to note: The Netherlands is the only country where you can smoke pot with the police—yes, it’s true.

We’re not a drugs country; we just enjoy the good life. People can say what they want about our laws and government, but one thing's for sure: you won’t see any homeless people here. Sure, you’ll meet some drunken or high folks, but no homeless. I never feel terrified walking through the Dam in the middle of the night alone. I feel totally safe, because we trust our police, and we believe in minding our business.

Anyway, I spent my day wandering around the city, had dinner in China Town, and grabbed a snack from the wall—yes, we don't just show working girls on the wall, we also sell snacks. Don’t ask me what those UFOs are made of (UFO = Undefined Fried Objects)

Oh, and by the way, we Dutchies love to deep fry or mash our food, and we have a serious love for mayonnaise. Never, ever tell a Dutchie that American or Belgian mayo tastes better than ours—you’ll get a dead stare.

After a while, I needed to find some good cheese shops to taste the best of the best. And yes, I only eat European cheese, and by European, I mean Dutch cheese—I’m convinced it’s the best in the world. I’m safe at home now, so I can totally say that.

I tried and bought some of my favorite cheeses, and let me tell you about the Old Amsterdamer—an amazing mature cheese that’s salty but creamy. It’s just incredible and so full of flavor! You’ve got to try this one!

Here’s the kicker: I’m lactose intolerant, but I would risk my life just to eat these yellow beauties. Totally worth it.

So, after walking around the city, let me make this clear: I’m not here to tell you where to go or what to do. I just want to bore you with my day-to-day trip. If you're really itching to know what the Dam has to offer, go check out Wikitravel—there are plenty of smartasses out there ready to tell you what to do.

As for me, I hate it—I just want to do what I like. Simple as that.

So, I stopped in front of the Amsterdam Palace and had a realization: We (taxpayers) are paying way too much money to maintain this monstrous building, and we don’t even get the chance to go inside. Ugh, the Monarchy... Honestly, I think tourists have a better chance of visiting the inside of this palace than us locals. Typical.

While I was on the train, trying to capture the beauty of the full moon, I had a little moment of clarity. I told myself, Duchieland isn’t that bad. Sure, we don’t have mountains or waterfalls, but what we do have is something special: canals, culture, stories to pass down to the next generation. We have so much to be proud of.

We might not have spectacular landscapes, but we’ve got an amazing history. My old man always used to say, "The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence."

So yeah, this was a little wake-up call for me. Maybe it’s time to be proud of my country

Sept, 13th, 2019, Amsterdam